Can children really consent to being shared?

I found myself thinking again about children online. I am seeing many of my online - colleagues, and some advocating parents, share lots of detailed stories about their children. Some also share images and videos and, even with faces not shown, the identifying information is very personal and detailed. 

And it got me thinking, when we share something about our children, we might sometimes check in with them. We might say, “Is it okay if I share this?” and very often, they’ll say yes, or nod along, or not think too much about it either way. And for a long time, that has felt enough for many of us.

But I’ve been wondering a little more about what consent actually means for a child in this space. Because when we think about it, children are not yet in a position to fully understand what they are agreeing to. They are not thinking about where something might travel to, how long it might stay there, or how they might feel about it years down the line. They are responding in the moment, often wanting to please us, or simply not seeing it as a big decision at all.

Sharing content is something many of us have done, myself included. I have shared a few things before on social media to help demonstrate how I parent, and to validate myself as a relatable, informed clinician. But I have started to ask myself, at what cost to my family... is it worth it? It has led me to gently shift my thinking, from “Have I checked with my child?” to something a little deeper:

It’s not always a comfortable question, but it is a helpful one. Because it brings us back to the idea that our children rely on us to hold a level of understanding that they simply don’t have yet. 

Inside the membership this week, I’ve gone a little deeper into this-  exploring what consent really means for children, and how we can think about it in a way that protects their dignity without making things feel rigid or overwhelming.