If your young person is struggling to be calm and cooperate, and you are also getting a bit miffed... please understand that we have all been there. This is very normal.
Here are my top 4 tips that might help. Xx
1. Regulate
Notice the environment - Do I need to step in? Do I need to take any immediate steps to ensure everyone's safety?
Notice the impact on you- Am I regulated, can I stay open and engaged? Am I becoming irritated, angry, defensive? Do I feel useless? Do I need a break? Can I get back to being open and engaged? Can I be compassionate to myself?
Notice the impact on the child- What can I do to help calm them first.
2. Relate
Once they are regulated, try and create meaning of their behaviour
together. Have they a real interest through curiosity and exploration, such as "I wonder what's going on...? How come...? No wonder you... if....". Explore thoughts, desires, urges, motives underlying the behaviour.
How can you help them experience that you're tryin to get it? Try
and get your body-langauge to match an approach of empathy
and kindness.
3. Reason
Once you understand the reasoning behind their behavour, you can respond to the behaviour- Do I need to do anything further, such as increase structure and supervision? Should I provide a consequence (that is logical), or has a natural consequence occured?
4. Repair
Do I need to repair the relationship so that my child knows what has happened has not affected our relationship? Do I need to help my child repair a
relationship with others?
If you would like me to email you the .pdf of this image, or you want to gain Early Bird Access to January's Emotional Regulation Programme at a 10% discount, just reply and let me know.
Kindest regards,
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