Who am I?

Hi 👋I'm Lorraine, Your Child Psychologist

I am so happy to meet you. I am a mom of 2 kids, living in a neurodiverse family. 

I have spent my adult life working alongside, supporting and advocating for children, teenagers and parents - first as a primary school teacher, and now, as a Chartered Child Educational Psychologist C.Psychol., Ps.S.I. M6672C. 

One of my core beliefs, what really motivates me is knowing that understanding a child's brain-body combination can truly transform a child's life, which in turn, can transform the life of an entire family. 

I use my understanding of children's psychological, emotional and sensory development, and my passion for enabling children to reach their full potential, to empower families to live authentically and positively. 

Myself and my team can help your child achieve brain - body balance, enabling you, as their parent, to enjoy family life a little more. 

Top Achievements:

• Chartered Child Educational Psychologist and Clinical Director of EPT Clinic
• 2022 Recipient of the “Contribution to Professional Practice” award from the Psychological Society of Ireland (PSI)
• Current Chair of the PSI’s Special Interest Group in Neurodiversity
• Psychology Traumatologist and Attachment Specialist
• Member of the Special Interest Group in Autism PSI
• Published research author

Publications:

• 2024: June, The Middletown Centre for Autism Research Journal – Volume 1 – Issue 2
• 2022: April, Professional Practice Guidelines for the Assessment, Formulation, and Diagnosis of Autism in Children and Adolescents, 2nd Edition
• 2020, The Process of Emotional Regulation – Book Chapter
• 2018, Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties Journal – Volume 23, 2018, Issue 2

Protective Developmental Anxiety (PDA): A Parent’s Guide

If everyday requests feel like they explode into panic, shutdown, or stand-offs in your home, you are not alone—and you are not a “bad parent” raising a “defiant child”.

At EPT Clinic, we use the term Protective Developmental Anxiety (PDA) to describe a pattern we see in some neurodivergent children and teens: a powerful, protective response to demands that feels driven by anxiety, not by opposition. This page is designed to help you make sense of it, gently and clearly.

What Is Protective Developmental Anxiety?

You might have heard the term Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Traditionally, it’s been used to describe children who:

• Strongly resist everyday demands

• Appear to “need control”

• Show big emotional reactions or shutdowns

• Use clever, sometimes surprising strategies to avoid things asked of them

However:

• PDA is not a formal diagnosis in major manuals.

• The language “pathological” is harsh, problem-focused, and can be internalised by children in painful ways.

Protective Developmental Anxiety is our reframing of this pattern.

We understand these behaviours as a protective anxiety response in a sensitive, often neurodivergent nervous system, especially when the child has repeatedly experienced overwhelm, pressure, or misunderstanding.

It is not about a child being manipulative, entitled, or broken.
It is about a child trying, often desperately, to feel safe.

Why We Don’t Use “Pathological Demand Avoidance”

Words matter. “Pathological” suggests:

• Something is wrong in the child

• Their behaviour is unreasonable, extreme, or unfixable

• Adults must “get control” of them

This framing:

• Increases shame (for children and parents)

• Encourages control-based responses

• Misses the deeper story: anxiety, sensory overload, loss of autonomy, and relational stress

Protective Developmental Anxiety (PDA):

• Centres the idea that the child’s behaviour is protective, not malicious

• Recognises that the nervous system is on high alert

• Fits with what we know from neuroscience, attachment, trauma, and sensory processing

• Opens the door to compassion, curiosity, and practical support, instead of blame

How Protective Developmental Anxiety Can Look Day-to-Day

Every child is different, but many parents describe patterns like:

• Intense reactions to simple requests
  (“Put on your shoes”, “Time for school”, “Turn off the iPad”) leading to panic, rage, or total shutdown.

• Avoidance wrapped in creativity
  Joking, distracting, arguing, bargaining, role-play, changing the subject.

• A strong need for control or choice
  Wanting to decide the order, the timing, the how.

• Sensitivity to tone and pressure
  A request that sounds urgent, disappointed, or firm can tip them over.

• Big feelings after small changes
  Sudden plans, transitions, or surprises feel threatening rather than fun.

• Burnout and exhaustion
  Meltdowns after school, “refusal” in the evenings, or extreme fatigue after busy environments.

This is not a checklist for diagnosis.
Think of it instead as a pattern: “Demands feel unsafe, so my child’s whole system moves to protect them”.

What’s Happening in Their Brain & Body?

Three key ideas that help make sense of PDA as Protective Developmental Anxiety:

4.1. A Sensitive Nervous System

Many of these children are autistic, ADHD’ers, have sensory processing differences, trauma histories, or a mix. Their brains:

• Take in more from the environment (noise, light, touch, expectations).
• Move more quickly into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
• Experience everyday life as more intense, layered, and effortful.

4.2. Sensory & Environmental Mismatch

A “normal” environment (busy classroom, noisy family kitchen, crowded party) can feel:

• Painful
• Unpredictable
• Out of their control

When we then add demands—“Hurry up”, “Just do it”, “Stop making a fuss”—their system says:

“I can’t stay safe and do this.”

Avoidance becomes protection.

4.3 Relationships & Felt Safety

Children look to adults to know: “Am I safe? Am I understood?”

If they repeatedly feel:

• Misunderstood
• Rushed or controlled
• Punished for overwhelm
• Praised only when masking

…their nervous system learns: “Demands = danger”.

Protective Developmental Anxiety is that learning, showing up in real time.

What works for PDA At Home?

You do not need to be perfect. You just need small, consistent shifts that tell your child:

“You are safe with me. We can figure this out together.”

Some starting points:

Lower the Emotional Weight of Demands

• Swap “You must” for “Would it help if…”, “I wonder if we could…”, “When you’re ready, let’s…”

• Use invitations, options, gentle humour where appropriate.

• Let some demands go. Focus on safety, connection, essentials.

Offer Choice & Shared Control

• Let them choose sequence: “Pyjamas first or teeth first?”

• Use “menus” of options: “These three jobs need doing today; which one could you start with?”

• Create routines with them, not for them.

Protect Their Nervous System

• Reduce noise, clutter, sudden changes where possible.

• Build in decompression time (home from school = snack + quiet, no questions).

• Notice their early signs of overload and step in early.

Lead With Connection, Not Consequences

• Prioritise calming the situation over winning the point.

• After a hard moment, come back with repair:

  • “That got really big. You weren’t bad. You were overwhelmed. Let’s think what you needed there.”

Expect Unconventional Parenting

If what works in your house looks different to other families, that’s not spoiling.
That’s responsive, neuroaffirming parenting for a child whose system needs something different.